And today’s blog topic is…toilet paper.

My brother was having a discussion of some friends about what they would do if there was an imminent global economy collapse, after which we would no longer have banks, paper money, utility companies, etc.   Bob said he would invest in hand tools and seeds and small livestock to prepare to be self-sufficient.

His friend said he would go to every warehouse and distribution center he could find and buy up all the toilet paper and store it in a fortress with barbed wire and armed guards.   Once the local supplies ran out, he figured he could trade toilet paper for just about anything he needed in the way of food, fuel, or other goods.

We laughed, but recognized he had a point.  Most people can imagine living without electricity and (gasp) the internet.  They may not like the inconveniences but they would adjust.

But modern man just isn’t prepared to give up toilet paper.

According to Wikipedia, a Chinese scholar/official named Yan Zhitui wrote about the use of toilet paper in the palace around 500 AD.  Those Chinese always were way ahead on the civilization stuff.

In the US, the first widely available commercial brand was Gayetty’s Medicated Paper.  It was pre-moistened and medicated with aloe and touted as “a perfectly pure article for the toilet and for the prevention of piles.”

For the last year, I have spent most of my time living with or near my siblings, and I have learned that our tastes and view on TP vary widely.  My sister goes for the one-ply, transparent stuff that (in my view) can be used alternatively as fine-gauge sandpaper.   I like the double-ply, quilted, feathery stuff with lotion that costs about four times as much.  Because it’s so fluffy, a roll that appears to be thick doesn’t last very long.  

I notice a lot of brands cater to people who are sensitive to perfumes and dyes.  I guess that makes sense with a product that’s applied to one’s nether regions.

And then there is the advertising.  I love the bears doing you-know-what in the woods and the family that are using rolls of toilet paper to prevent the puppy from hurting itself as it skids around corners.   There is a royal TP quilting club (this from Northern, who once advertised their product as “splinter free”) and, when Dick Wilson, AKA “Mr. Whipple” died earlier this month, it made national news.

Yup, we modern civilized types love our toilet paper. 

And, by the way, the roll definitely needs to be hung in the OVER position.  Period.