I’m a grammar bitch.

This is not to say that I do not make grammatical errors.  I do.  Just ask my editor.  I am particularly fond of the sentence fragment

So why do some grammatical errors bother me, while others don’t?

Sometimes, it’s the context.  As a writer, I get reviewed.   When I get a really positive review, I should probably post it. But sometimes I feel like the reviewer’s credibility is in question if there are too many errors. 

(Did you notice that I just started a sentence with “but?”  I can be flexible.)

Sometimes errors in song lyrics bother me, but not always. When professionals, like radio announcers, make errors, it makes me insane.  And, having delved very lightly into the world of online dating, men who make too many grammatical errors in their personal essays are probably not going to hear from me.

I’ll give you some examples:

“I can’t get no satisfaction” doesn’t bother me.  It’s in popular vernacular.  It sounds right in context.  On the other hand, the following line from Alan Jackson’s song, “Living on Love” makes my teeth hurt:  “Without somebody nothing ain’t worth a dime.”   My reaction to this sentence is so acute, it prevents me from enjoying what is otherwise a pleasant little ditty.

My all-time least favorite song lyric is “I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free.”  The sentence is wrong on soooo many levels.  First, it’s a compound sentence. The first half of the sentence is about what the speaker is, but the second half of the sentence is about where the speaker is.  That’s not what really annoys me, however.  It’s the use of “at least,” which actually trivializes freedom.  To me, “at least” is used to indicate something is not very good, but better than the alternative. 

There are weather people who report a “cold temperature” and traffic reporters who indicate that cars are traveling at a “fast speed.”  There is no such thing!  Temperatures can be low, in which case the air is cold.  Speeds can be high, in which case the vehicles are fast.

Finally, a note to the men who are hoping I will answer their internet ads:  If you do not know when to use “its” and when to use “it’s,” I’ll probably give you the benefit of the doubt.  But using “your” when you actually mean “you’re” is a deal-breaker.